Saturday, October 25, 2014

To Kiddo

I never realized how gratifying it is to see your child growing up. It feels like life is on fast forward, times 20, but seeing Kiddo blossom into this amazing young woman, full of opinions, whimsy, talent, music and wit just makes me melt. She defends her friends, young and old, with all her being, stands up for what she believes in, does the right thing even when it's hard, and takes on new challenges, even when they scare her.

The deep, warm feeling of pride and satisfaction grows a tiny bit in my belly each day. I can't take credit for a good 80-90% of this person-hood of hers, since that has all been there from day one. I am so thankful we are blessed to be the ones guiding her through the rocky roads of adolescence (and ROCKY they are!), and so very proud she is part of our family.

Kiddo, you are incredible, and many more things that I can't get into words right now. It's suddenly very dusty here at my laptop.

Monday, June 9, 2014

Commitment is terrifying

Hey there readers!

During my blogging break, I've been getting a few things in order as far as my health and physical fitness goes. Part of this process has been to invite my dad to join me at the gym as a workout buddy, which has been a wonderful thing for both of us. Getting to see him regularly each week is a total blessing, and so very good for my mental health as well.

My dad and I are similar in a lot of ways, and our minds are scarily similar. Due to this phenomenon, the beginnings of feeling fit and healthy have sparked his imagination in incredible ways, and he's made a couple of suggestions to me. Seeing the pure joy and fulfillment wash over my dad's face each time we set foot in that gym is extremely rewarding to me, and of course it's awesome for him too!

He started off the other day by telling me how he'd gotten this "wild" idea, based on my doing the Spartan Sprint in 2013 (which I never blogged about, it would seem, for a number of reasons), and now he is talking about doing the Sprint in 2015. That would give us just over a year to get ready, which is doable.

If, and it's a big IF...if I were to commit to doing this with my dad, and we both completed it, we'd then get matching Spartan tattoos. Not the logo, mind you, because we're both rebels like that, but something that encompasses the Spartan spirit.

There's a ton wrapped up emotionally and mentally in actually committing to a "yes" on this to my Dad, so I haven't made a decision yet. The Sprint last year broke me, physically and mentally. There were tears at the end, and I literally hobbled for a month afterward. I still have trouble thinking about the race in its entirety, and thinking of subjecting myself to that again...I just can't fully say "yes" yet.

At the same time, I've been looking up training methods, how to replicate the tougher obstacles at home for training, and imagining how I could actually conquer this thing instead of it mocking me and whipping me every step of the course. I've looked on Craigslist for tractor tires, and I've created an entire section of my planner to training, complete with a list of what I need for the more unusual training items.

Similar to a discussion I had earlier this week with a few friends, I feel like I have actually made up my mind, and I'm not ready to admit it to myself yet. I really don't know.

Committing to a Spartan race is scary enough. Having been through it, KNOWINGLY committing to it again is terrifying.

So why do I get excited butterflies when I imagine doing the race with my dad??

Click here to save $10 on your first order!

Friday, April 11, 2014

Dark Days

You know those days you can barely get out of bed, you spend hours ruminating and staring at the wall, in many ways you hate life for no apparent reason and you're surrounded by darkness?

I've been having a lot of those days lately. Things will probably be pretty quiet until something improves.

Click here to save $10 on your first order!

Monday, March 31, 2014

Matters of Faith & Children

Train up a child in the way he should go,
And when he is old he will not depart from it. - Proverbs 22:6

Faith in God has always been a part of my life. Even when I walked away from nearly everything I'd done as right as a kid, a deep seated knowledge that God is real and part of my life never left me. As an adult who wants to raise my daughter in the ways of God without being legalistic, or have her believe she must condemn friends who don't have the same faith, I find that things are not black and white.

I've known this for a long time, but dang y'all, having a kid makes EVERYTHING feel like a giant gray area. Tonight she confided in me that she is going through what many of us would call a "crisis of faith", where she honestly isn't sure if she believes in God, and she's scared of what that could mean.

"What if we're worshiping nothing? What if we're wasting our Sundays worshiping absolutely nothing?"

Yet, at the same time, she requested three different prayer sessions as we were going to bed/saying goodnight. I know so well this doubt, this questioning and the fear that comes with it. I have been going through something similar for a while, and trying to explore more to find out what I do actually believe. But, how do you approach that with an 11 year old? Faith is so abstract, elusive and intangible.

For tonight, I reassured her that she would be okay. That faith is a big thing, with lots of big questions, and that part of faith is accepting that there's not always answers to those questions. At least half of those words were for me, and I'm fairly positive they didn't actually come from me. I certainly needed to hear that, and it seemed to act as a bit of balm for her as well.

I wonder and worry, as a parent, if I'm not confident in my own faith, then how can I raise her with confidence?

Where do I go from here to help Kiddo?

Click here to save $10 on your first order!