Encouragement is priceless

I came across the above image on Pinterest today, and it struck a chord with me. We all need someone who knows our dreams, the biggest, scariest dreams, and who believes we can do achieve them. Yes, there are many saying out there about proving the nay-sayers wrong, and that can fuel you to a certain extent, but when it comes down to it, self-doubt is a harsh companion in my head, tagging along with my dreams and possibilities.

This got me thinking about my own dreams, the huge one of being a full-time photographer, traveling around and capturing fabulous memories and lifetimes for people. I do believe I can do it, that God is guiding me on this path of scary, crazy, huge possibilities. At the same time, it is so incredibly easy to panic in the moments leading up to meeting with a client, quoting a price, or handing over the photos from their session.

I'm not really good enough for people to trust me with this.

Who do I think I am, that people would pay good money for my work?

How can I call this work?

It goes on and on.

I am incredibly blessed to have a strong support network of people in my life, people who believe in me, who cheer me on, who remind me of why I am doing this, why I am striving for this shining star above me. Each of them has a different way of believing in me, supporting me, showing me they know I can do it.

Matt, as in so much of his life, is of a quiet, steadfast belief that I am a photographer, whether or not I think I've "earned" the title. He gently laughs at me when I tell him I'm hesitant to introduce myself as such, and simply says, "why?" This solid, unwavering belief in my ability, in what I'm doing, does incredible things for my self-esteem. He doesn't just believe I can do it, it's an accepted fact that I am a photographer, so why I would question that is beyond him.

My mom is a more vocal cheerleader, pointing out the photos she loves, making it a point to tell me how much she loves when I show her raw, unedited shots before I've culled and refined them, and most importantly, praying for me and my family, that God will continue to lead us in His will. She reads my blog (hi Mom!), is on my Facebook, and regularly goes through the KL Photography fan page, "like"-ing just about everything, and encouraging me on there as well. The constant encouragement in my ear, and in public, is a huge morale booster, and is another layer in the foundation of my belief that I must be on the right path.

A good friend, I'll call him K, is the most vocal cheerleader in my life right now. He also has the camera bug, and does a bit of videography as well, and is a good person to geek out with over gear and technical details. We've shot together once, and plan to do so again in 2013. He is a constant buzzing bug in my ear, encouraging me, sharing my excitement over upcoming opportunities, shoots, helping critique shots that aren't quite right and I can't place why that is, and all around being a great photographer friend. Just yesterday I was sharing an upcoming session with him (details to come...) and we had a little moment over Instant Messenger:

K: Kristin... i hope you know.... YOU SO DESERVE THIS! And this... is AMAZINGLY amazing to experience (like me being a 3rd party...) because it just shows that MY FRIEND... Kristin Leamy... is on her way to being something BIG in this industry!

K: Girl...

K: I am SO... SO.. SOOOOOO Proud of you

K: I mean seriously... look at me..

K: I've stopped.. I've stood still...

K: you.. you keep moving forward... be proud of yourself.

K: I've seen you go... shoot... struggle... amaze... create... with a pencil... and now your going to be given crayons... paint... a canvas... you are seriously about to paint the world 

Kristin

K: its about to get REAL :)

K: kk!!! time to suck up these tears of mine (really lol) .. just know I'm proud =)

 

For serious, you guys

There are many people who support my dreams, encourage me in the pursuit, and all-around lift me and my family up in life, in prayer, and in everything. Every one of you is dear to me, you make a huge difference, whether you realize it or not. Your offhand comments, gentle encouragement, commiseration with things get frustrating, and more, are all invaluable.

You are invaluable.

Thank you.

Bossypants, and my legs

This past week, I picked up a few audio-books at the library to enjoy as I drive around town each day. Today I popped in Tina Fey's "Bossypants", which is also narrated by Tina Fey. I love it when an author reads their own work in audio-books or in live readings, it really adds a lovely dimension to the story that can otherwise be lost.

Anyway, she mentioned a turning point in her life when she learned just how many things can be "wrong" on a woman's body. Shortly after, she took stock of herself, parts of her that aren't perfect, and that she wouldn't change. I like this idea, and so decided I would do the same:

• My freckles - they're mostly only on my arms, and I like them. I didn't always, I just wanted those freckles they talk about in stories, "a dusting across her nose" sort of deal. But, I don't want to look like a character in a book.
• My pale, pale legs - I will never be tan. Even "flesh toned" hosiery is obviously not MY flesh tone, and  this is something I have come to accept, and embrace. Pale, pasty, nearly glow in the dark skin works surprisingly well with the 40's and 50's styles that I love so much

Not me/my legs, but might as well be. I match the walls, too.

There's probably more, but those two come to mind immediately as things that I have had issues with in my life. I think perspective really does come with age and experience, and frankly, appearance has little to do with anything in life. Yes, it's important to be neat and clean, but frankly, that's about it. I like to feel pretty, but whether you think I'm pretty has no bearing on my life. 

I'd like to say I don't care what others think of me or my actions, but that's simply not true. At the same time, it truly has no bearing on my life, and I care a LOT less now than I did when I was younger. I am looking forward to the freedom of not caring one whit! 

A fairy tale

Once upon a time, there was a little girl who never, ever picked up after herself. She dropped anything and everything wherever she felt it necessary, which ended up being anywhere and everywhere. She was young, and her family, naive as they were, felt she was too young to have chores, and generally would pick up after her.

One day, the little girl was asked to clean up a mess on the table after she had eaten a snack.

"but," she replied. "That's Grandma's job, that's not my job!"

Thus ended her era of never having to lift a finger. The family is now considered a bunch of slave drivers, who are ruthless and do horrible things such as request food to be put away, and require her to follow through when she commits to doing something.

Many years later, she appreciated her parents and what they had done for her.

The end.

I imagine "many years" is roughly equal to about 30 or 40 but fairy tales rarely cover that span of time.

I don't forgive you...yet

Thursday night was fairly uneventful, from snuggling with kidlet, to telling her it was time for PJs and she did a  little happy dance and skipped off giggling "hooray!", which is rarely the reaction to PJs/bedtime. After a few minutes of giggling at Disney channel silliness, we popped her in the shower to get the Kid Grime off.

That sentence belies what really happened though. It went more like this:

"Mom, would you help me?"

Me - "No, I'm cleaning up/doing laundry/stuffing my face. Go start your shower."

(It should be noted here that she is perfectly capable of starting, showering, ending and drying off after her shower without assistance.)

"But Mooooooooooooooooooom!! I need help rinsing my hair!" Said while still fully clothed, simply standing in the bathroom. The water's not even on.

Me - "I will help you rinse your hair, but you need to actually START YOUR SHOWER, as I've now asked 4 times."

"But, will you be in here with me? It just makes me feel more comfortable."

Me - "Nope, sorry kiddo. I'll be in there in a minute to rinse your hair. Use your time wisely!" 

Img source: http://prattlenog.com/2010/04/28/productive-procrastination/

This exchange was repeated about 3 times, so by the time the water was actually turned on, and her clothes came off to get in, 10-15 minutes had passed. Seriously, kidlet? You could have been in and out in that time!

After the shower, she went around to all the family members and said her good nights - grandma, grandpa, the cat (who tolerates good nights, but really would prefer that she ignore him as much as he ignores us), and dad. We shuffle into her room, where she takes a flying leap facefirst into the bed, giggling maniacally.

One of these days, I swear, she's going to miss her mark, and it's not going to be funny, but will make for an epic story later in life.

After wrapping her in the vintage sleeping bag my parents handed down to us (seriously, this thing is from the 70's, and is still mostly going strong. I can't believe it's survived this long!), layering a down blanket, and then her favorite quilt, which was Matt's when he was a baby, on the very top, she's finally ready to hear a story and go to sleep.

I settle in read some of her favorite, Doctor Doolittle. Being the big Doctor Who fan that I am, every time he's referenced as "the good Doctor" in this book, I immediately flash to Doctor Who, instead of the doctor they're actually referencing. After reading for a few minutes, I snuggle with kidlet a little, and go to move her wet hair out from under her head to make it a bit more comfortable as she's falling asleep.

Unfortunately, as kids are wont to do, she moved unexpectedly as I moved my hand to do so, and I ended up poking her directly in the eye with an outstretched finger.

Img source: http://www.banklawyersblog.com/.a/6a00d8341c652b53ef0120a7f4ac0d970b-popup

Poor thing! It would have been a Three Stooges type scene, except it was a direct hit, and of course hurt like the dickens. I apologized over and over, gave her lots of hugs and kisses and snuggles. Poor thing, she valiantly tried not to cry, but I could tell it was hurting her pretty badly. Once she felt she could open her eye again, I held up the nightlight we were using to see if I'd actually cut her or anything. Thankfully no broken skin was to be seen, but goodness, her poor eye!

I apologized many more times before she fell asleep, but I noticed something. Not once did she say "it's ok", which is her typical response.

This makes me VERY proud. Automatic forgiveness is not always going to come, and we've talked about how you can accept someone's apology without the "it's ok" dismissal that kind of downplays what happened to warrant the apology. I'm certain she will eventually forgive me, but I understand that it might take a bit, because I managed to really hurt her.

Img Source: http://terabrite.tv/im-so-sorry-about-the-massive-amount-of-posts-please-forgive-us/

We'll talk more about the incident as her eye feels better, and see how she's processing it. Just because someone says they're sorry, doesn't mean you are required to forgive them straight away. God gives us the grace of forgiveness, and in our brokenness, it can take time for us to see our way to forgiving others. God also gives us patience, and I'm glad to be patient in this case, because I don't want her spouting empty words. When she decides to forgive me, I want it to be her decision, not because it's what she feels pressured to say.

How do you deal with the "I'm sorry" and "I forgive you" scenarios in your life? 

 

Anything Can Happen!

It's Anything Can Happen Thursday!

Bonus points if you know where I got that idea :)

The things I mentioned that are stressing me out are still hanging on, but I'm taking action to see if I remove the stress factors from my life. While I'm still having to deal with it, and it's still an issue, I don't feel powerless or helpless. God will help me through this, no matter what happens He will be with me. I have to repeat this to myself rather often, it's very easy to look sight of that fact in the situation.

In happier news, things are looking fabulous with KL Photography! I've booked a shoot in a few weeks, and I'm shooting a series I'm calling Women of Strength, featuring the fierce ladies of Portland, OR. The first installment can be seen here, but here's a little taste as well :)

Ciao!